


Benefits

by Angryniall



Category: One Direction, niall horan - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 07:08:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16132190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angryniall/pseuds/Angryniall
Summary: Two people helping each other through a breakup.





	Benefits

Niall was one of those people who I hit it off with as soon as we met. I was friends of a friend and got invited to one of his cookouts. I had a beer too many and ended up screaming Breakeven by the Script at the top of my (tone deaf) lungs with him. Even though I had just met him that day, I ended up crashing on his floor with a few of his other friends to sleep off the night before.

In my drunken stupor, I had somehow given him my number and even though he headed off on tour almost immediately after that night, we stayed in touch through texts and an occasional facetime.

We didn’t start to get close until after he went through his breakup. I’d recently gone through a rather difficult one myself, so I offered support and he leaned on me to help guide him through it.

About a month after his breakup, I go to his house with some margarita mix and way too much rum. Once we’re both plastered, he becomes more open. “You know what I really miss most? Just being comfortable with her, you know? Like, I never felt like I had to put on a front or be someone I’m not. I was just myself and she loved me for that. Or I guess, she did. I don’t really know what happened to make her change her mind though…” He trails off and I learned not to push him.

Niall and I are pretty similar in the way we open up to others. He’s reserved and he’ll allow people in gradually at first, but he always keeps somethings to his chest. Trying to force him to communicate will just cause him to retreat further.

I sigh and move closer to him, laying against him with my head up against his shoulder. “I know how you feel. With my ex… I felt like I’d really met the one. The person who understood me more than anyone. I felt like I could be truly, authentically myself and they would never stop loving me.”

Niall nods and looks at me for the first time that night. He hardly ever makes eye contact when he’s opening up. “I just don’t know what was the thing that made her stop.” He says it almost as a question, but not quite.

I lean up on my elbow and meet his eyes, “I don’t know what’s easier. If there was one specific thing that happened that caused everything to collapse or if there was just a bunch of small things. Like, if it were one big thing, you’d have so much regret about not being able to change that. But with several small things, you have to start to face the fact that it was never as perfect as you made it seem.”

Niall’s eyes shift away from mine as he mutters a yeah and I see him lost in his own thoughts. I leave him to it as I head to the kitchen to grab another margarita. I don’t know how many I’m at now, but I feel like it’s not enough. My relationship ended well before Niall’s did, but I’ve had the roughest time getting over it. Honestly, I get scared sometimes that I’ll never get over them, that I’ll always be scarred from everything that happened.

I’m thinking too much about things and am only drawn back into the world when I feel the cold margarita all over my hand. I was pouring and ended up overfilling the cup. Great. I grab one of the towels out of Niall’s drawer and start wiping it up.

“Makin a mess in me house, are ya?” He slurs a bit. I look up and laugh, “Sorry, think I’ve had a bit to drink.” He nods, “Yeah, probably because you used an entire bottle of rum for a blender.”

I shrug, “Didn’t hear you complaining before!” Niall laughs and shakes his head, “I’ll definitely be complaining tomorrow though. My head is already doing me in.”

Just like that, our relationship talk is forgotten and we’re back to bantering and laughing way to loud at nothing. It’s nice because we have a chance to vent, but neither of us wants to spend the night wallowing in our own self-pity.

I take a sip of the margarita I poured, “Ah, perfect!” I joke as Niall laughs and starts to load up his dishwasher with the items we used for our night and start to clean the blender now that I’ve emptied it of all it’s contents.

I finish my drink off fast and go to put my cup in the dishwasher before he starts it, so all the dishes can be cleaned at once. Niall happens to turn around at the same time and we’re stood almost face to face. When Niall breathes, I can feel his hot, warm breath on my face. I look up at him and see that his eyes are directly on my lips.

Before either of us can even think about it, he’s got his lips on mine, his rough beard rubbing against my chin. Niall places his hand underneath my butt and plops me up softly on the counter. His large hands run against my thighs, squeezing lightly with each kiss we share.

We’re lost in each other’s embrace for what feels like hours before we finally find some sense to stop ourselves. “That’s another thing I’ve missed from relationships,” he says, his lips plump and pink from overuse. It takes me a while to realize that that’s what just happened. He’s using his loneliness from the loss of his relationship and turning it into that.

When I don’t respond, I can feel him stiffen. I’m sure he’s starting to realize that maybe there should have been more discussion before we turned our friendship based around our mutual heartbreak into something physical. If he had brought it up first, I’m not sure how I would have responded. I mean, Niall’s not unattractive by any means, but I don’t think I was interested in him in that way. Well, before now. Now that we’ve had a makeout session in his kitchen, I kind of want to see more.

“I-is that okay?” Niall asks, stuttering a bit over his words. I’m sure he’s worried that what just happened ruined it all. Either because I wanted more than what he was offering- a physical way for us to move on- or because that happened, I wasn’t comfortable being here for him at all.

I nod, “Yeah, I think it’d be helpful. Just a way to… release some energy.” Niall nods and leads me to his bedroom, his hands tangled in my hair as his kisses become sloppier. His lips never leave mine until he’s got us both undressed. Only then, he pushes me over his bed on my stomach. He’s dominant, moving my hips in place as he enters me quickly. He leaves dry, warm kisses on my shoulders and my back as he quickly moves inside me.

Niall’s pace starts to scatter and he moves his hand between my legs, rubbing me quickly, trying to get me off too. It doesn’t take my body long to give in and Niall follows after me relatively quickly.

He collapses on the bed next to me, his breathing steadying. I lay on the other side. Even though I have no issue being next to him and invading his space during our usual talks, it feels more intimate now to lay my head on his chest and it’s something I don’t necessarily think I’m ready to take.

I don’t know how long I lay there, staring at the wall, wondering if NIall’s going to say something. After what feels like a lifetime, I feel the bed shake and I can tell from the sounds coming from the other side of the bed that he’s sobbing. I squeeze my eyes shut hard, wanting to fall asleep, to not be a part of this moment that he hasn’t invited me into.

For weeks, Niall and I get into a routine. We usually start with just talking, having a few drinks, but it always ends in sex. The first couple of times after, I notice him checking his phone, scrolling through the text thread he had with his ex. I try not to snoop, but I do see a few unanswered texts from him. I know better than to ask about them and I know he does me the same service when he sees me doing the same, or looking through old photos.

They say time heals all wounds and in our case, it seems to scar them over. After a while, our nights become less about us talking and leaning on each other and more of us just calling each other over for nights in bed. Our phones can go entire nights without being looked at or touched and there feels like a shift. That we went from using each other to get over our relationships to just using each other for a good time.

Except now, I’m about to ruin it. For the past week or so, I’ve started developing feelings. I don’t know if they were always there, ready to bubble over, or if I developed them since we started seeing each other more often. I tried to ignore it, but I’m terrible at keeping my feelings to myself.

Niall invited me over for a marathon of the Twilight Zone, but we both know that we’re going to end up in each other’s laps sooner rather than later. We’re barely through the first episode and suddenly I’m entangled in Niall’s grasp, the popcorn we popped laying on the floor next to the couch as the show becomes ignored.

“Mmm Niall. Need to talk.” I groan out, kind of wishing this could wait until after. But I know putting it off isn’t going to help things. Niall looks at me quizzingly as he sits up, “Everything all right, Mousie?” He asks, his pet name for me rolling of his tongue and reminding me, yet again, why I’ve developed feelings for him.

I nod, sitting up as well. “It’s just… we’ve been doing this for a few months now, you know?” Niall opens his mouth, probably to answer my rhetorical question but I know I need to get it out. “And I just… I’m not the type of person who can just sleep with someone and it not mean anything. And well… our friendship, us hanging out so much, the sex, all of it’s made me want to have more… with you.”

Niall’s eyes widen and I can tell by the way they start to glass over that I’m not about to get the answer I want. They seem to express sadness, or perhaps even pity as he tells me, “It’s not like that for me. It’s just… benefits. A way to help me get over… well, you know, and then it just became something consistent and fun until one of us met someone. I never really expected…” He trails off and I can tell he’s trying to stop himself from rambling further.

I try not to take it to heart, knowing that he’s not felt the same connection I’ve been feeling lately and knowing that we’re not going to be able to go back to how we were now. Because now, I’m the girl with a crush on him and he’s the guy who doesn’t feel it back.

He lets out a deep sigh as he runs his hands through his hair, “Maybe um… maybe we should cut tonight short?” He offers and I take the excuse to get out of here. I feel like such an idiot as I walk out his door and head home, knowing that I can’t even lean on the guy who helped me out of my heartbreak because he’s the one causing this one.


End file.
